Emmie, 10, Tallahassee, FL
Table of Contents
Author’s Note
Chapter 1: A New Puppy’s in Town
Chapter 2: Love Is Good. Funnels Are Bad
Chapter 3: Becoming A Four-Legged Hero
Chapter 4: Henchmen Make Stuff SOOOOO Much Easier … For the Villain
Chapter 5: Victory Is Good Like Love
Chapter 6: Another Baddie Bad Baddie
Chapter 7: My Code Name
Goodbye
Author’s Note
Hello, reader, I’m Emmie, and today as I sat down to write the adventure-packed chronicles of my fluffy best friend, an English Lab named Pickles, she laid her large, chunky head on my hand, and pressed her wet nose to the screen. So that’s my cue to hand the keyboard over to Pickles. That is, right after I wipe away the watery substance on my screen. So now get ready for some bad grammar, and lots of laughs as the “heroine” of this story takes over.
Bye!
Chapter 1: A New Puppy’s in Town
Hi, new friend! I can truly say friend because I have never met anyone who isn’t my friend! I am Pickles, and I should only tell people I trust this secret, but I am a superhero / secret agent! I spend my days fighting against the bad badies known as the Sandbox Gang. I wasn’t always a superhero with the code name Super Pickles. I was just a sweet puppy for a few months until I started training to be a secret agent by my owners’ other lab, Libby, A.K.A Agent Sunday, but more on that later.
By the way are you someone I can trust? … I’ll take that silence and the fact all people are friends as a, “Yes, Pickles, you can definitely trust us.” Well that’s good because now I can tell you my big secret. Wait— I already told you? Good. That’ll save us some time while I eat this random slice of apple I found on the floor. You may be asking, “Oh Pickles, what cool things have you done?” Your dead silent eyes are telling me that this is indeed your burning question. Well you’re very, very lucky because I’ll tell you!
It begins in Ocala, Florida. I woke up very early one day in my first home with all the other puppies sleeping, but I knew something was gonna happen. A girl they called Emmie came in with a delicious string on her shirt – for my yum yum eating it turns out! My new best friend came over with her delicious string, picked me up, and put me in a large jiggling fortress on four flat balls I later learned was called a car. This jiggle fortress on four balls had a bounty of delicious old crackers and juice boxes under every single seat. The jiggles of the car soon put me to sleep. When my eyes opened back up there was an even bigger fortress but with no jiggles. This was my new home. I went inside to find many chewable objects like chairs, shelves, corners of cabinets, shoes, socks, lunchboxes. All were so delicious. I kept eating it till I was told no. Later an older dog came in. I sniffed and sniffed and licked and licked and the other dog did the same. That night at midnight I woke up and started whining. Just seconds later people came and gave me love as they say. Love is good. They are good. That’s what I learned. With this knowledge I led a love-full life. All was happy as my tail is on a high wag day until a villain rose from the shallow, dry, sandbox.
I hope you learned a very good tip, which is always whine for attention.
P.S. If this doesn’t work take a big breath in and let it out in a fuuuuph to get attention.
Chapter 2: Love is Good. Funnels are Bad
Yes, love’s good, I’m good, all humans good, all random objects I have ever encountered are good, but I have learned that not all things are good. For example, nothing is more evil than… EVIL WHITE SAND FUNNEL!!!!! If you’re a newborn pup reading this or a human, I’ll explain why it’s so evil and how we met. So evil White Sand Funnel might look like a super, super, SUPER fun toy, but that’s part of its evilness. How, you may ask, is this? All objects and humans and toys are good, right? Well that’s what I thought when I first saw this villain. I was a naïve puppy, and like most of you puppies, I thought it looked like one of the best toys I ever laid eyes on, so I brought it inside by the tube portion. When I put it on the cold square slippery things (I now know they called tiles) it would roll in a perfect circle!
Delightful! But then it tipped to rest perfectly still on the slip-slip tile. At first I tried to pick it up. It scooted. I fuuphed. Tried again. Again, it slip-slipped away. I wanted to put in my bed with the other toys and a random sandbox shovel I had stolen but it just slipped away. Hmm, I thought, bad funnel! He’s plotting something sinister. Must intimidate funnel. What scary? Hmmmm when Agent Sunday dog barks on her adventures with misbehaving feline felons, she barks! I will bark but not cute like normal, I’ll scary bark. So, I barked, and tried to pick it up again. Slip, slip.
“Funnel not scared, why not scared? Bark was scary! It needs to be more scary. I’ll growl more scary like when evil red sand bucket gets stuck on my face. That kind of scary!” He really is a threat now. So I growled this time. Slip slip. Nothing! Evil White Sand Funnel just kept running away! So I went right down to it and growled and growled and bark, bark, barked, and still NOTHING! By now I know most of you little pups are barking at the screen in total anger.
After days of trying I FINALLY picked it up. Secret-bite the narrow tube end! I strutted around triumphantly, and as I happily gnawed on evil White Sand Funnel, I knew it wouldn’t be my last victory. And from then on I continued to fight evil White Sand Funnel, or any other evil who attack my pack with all my time … Well, you know, unless I playing or eating or going on a walk or getting love or riding in jiggly fortress or sleeping or getting love or playing or eating, but other than that yes, I saving my pack with all my time.
Now if you want to be a four-legged hero just like me I’ll tell you in a series of very simple steps. Ooooooh! But first Momma’s home! I’ll start with a sigh then give it … Hmmm another sigh? Nah, not cute enough. A whine? Yeah that’ll make her want to make me stop, and to make the love keep coming I’ll do a … long gaze into her eyes then lick her hand? Perfect. Though she might try to leave. Hmmmmmmm … I know ,I’ll sit on her! That will work. Now time to get some love.
P.S. I’ll put my easy steps to become a four-legged hero next.
Chapter 3: Becoming a Four-Legged Hero
I’m going to tell you how to be a four-legged hero in some simple steps. How I organizing is the one before something is necessary for its own step. So, like, to even be able to do the other steps you would have to do step number 1, and you would able to do step number 2 to be able to do all the steps except one.
1. Be born. This is EXTREEMELY important so if you haven’t done this yet, come on out of there little pup! The world’s awesome and love-ful! I know cause I live here! Isn’t that cool?
2. Have four legs. It’s in the name… IT IS IN THE NAME!
3. Get a four-legged costume (for the four legs).
4. Have a mouth (good for the next step).
5. Chew and/or eat villains. They taste VERY good it turns out.
Simple, right?
Chapter 4: Henchmen make stuff SOOOOO much easier… For the villain
From villain to henchmen, there are huge differences in the range of bad baddies. Villains are baddie bad baddies, henchmen are just bad baddies. The difference that makes villains worse than their henchmen is that henchmen will follow anyone to any extent. Henchmen are not loyal and will do whatever the person with the most treats or loudest bark tells them to. The worst henchmen by far out of all the sand toys in the sand box gang was… EVIL YELLOW BUCKET!!!!! How is he so evil? Well, he never fought with sheer size or strength at all. So how is he so powerful, your inquisitive yet still silent eyes are asking? He had smarts.
He used his bucket wits to turn around just as I try to bite him, and stick himself on my head. I would run and run and run and run, blinded, and running into everything and still he would not budge! Dastardly! That is, until Agent Sunday AKA Libby dog came. She is another more experienced superhero secret agent dog in my family that is training me to be a secret agent, and taught me all I know about secret investigations, including escaping the yard and walking into the church across the street one Sunday. That was the mission that she got her code name. But that is a story for another day! She says I’ll get my code name someday, and I can’t wait! Back to the story now. Well Agent Sunday got it off in one swift tug, and I got my satisfying victory. A lovely chew on the bucket. I thought should this be my code name: Agent Yellow? But something told me there were greater battles to win, and a different code name was in my future.
Chapter 5: Victory is Good Like Love
The day I’m about to write about is maybe the biggest victory I have ever won. It was the day evil White Sand Funnel got his last taste of defeat. It was actually really easy and maybe isn’t the best story but true to my lab positivity, I see only the happy, happy good, good in even the simplest victories. I just think he had enough, so he left like a hotdog down my throat. I thought this would be harder and more satisfying. That thought was a typhoon in my head, so I thought I had an epic battle with my ex-archnemeses. It had many twisted and turns and betrayal … Also love, attention, and food. LOTS of food. It’s my fantasy buzz off. I know he must have descended to another dimension, never too be seen again. Wait nope, I found him. He in some kind of black bin with things like speckled bread, shredded toys, and lots of other things I didn’t know but smell deliciously gross. Well next stop for Evil White Sand Funnel is a bad place somewhere. Then a long time later he wasn’t there so I contently sat like an adult dog on my bottom.
Chapter 6: Another Baddie Bad Baddie
Well Evil White Sand Funnel is defeated, I’m too big for Evil Yellow Bucket’s tactics now, so what’s next? Am I done? No. Not at all. Meet Evil Red Bucket. This menace does a perfect job of following in his father’s (Evil White Sand Funnel) footsteps. Just as evil, and twice as smart. But I had something he didn’t… 1. A teacher and 2. Experience.
I, knowing the extreme baddieness, sauntered forward, bent down, and said in a big booming woof, “Surender now, and you don’t have to feel my rage. We might be friends or enemies.”
I could anticipate Evil Red Funnel’s response as he whispered silently, “I think enemies suites us best.”
Very well, I thought as I launched into battle, but Evil Red Bucket had wits along with brute strength and size, and he pulled an Evil Yellow Bucket! Clinging to my head I ran around until I thought, This did not work last time. I need to do something different. How did Aunt Libby take it off? Oh she pulled! I will pull. And that’s just what I did. To my surprise he slid right off. This gave me the perfect time to do a victory gnaw. I had to outsmart Evil Red Bucket almost every day, and what I didn’t know was that Agent Sunday was watching the whole thing from a shady bush. This continued until one day she revealed herself, and with a prideful expression told me that I’s had more than earned my code name. That was one of the happiest moments of my life. And this, my friends, is where the chapter ends.
“Wait, why aren’t you telling us now?” Oh look, your noses are picking up the Pickles trend of asking silent questions! You have some very trendy noses. Well, to answer your question deserves its own chapter.
Chapter 7: My Code Name
So, like I said, it was one of the happiest moments of my life to be given my code name, Agent Gnaw. When Agent Sunday made me Agent Gnaw, given for the way I celebrate victory over evil buckets, something didn’t feel quite right because something about it didn’t feel quite me. I reluctantly told Agent Sunday, and to my surprise, she wasn’t mad. I think I could actually see a bit of pride in her face.
“That’s just fine,” she said calmingly. “I felt the same way when I was a hunting dog.”
“You were a hunting dog!?” I said, very surprised.
“Yes,” she said. “I didn’t like my job, or my owner,” she continued. “I showed many signs I didn’t like it, but he didn’t listen, so eventually, I ran away, and luckily stumbled into a farm, and got adopted by our food giver human. I don’t want you to have that same experience, so from now on, what if we called you the Knowing Gnaw?”
I loved the new name.
“Good, so on secret missions with me you are the Knowing Gnaw but to the rest of the world you’re Super Pickles.” I was so excited I didn’t know what to do, so all I did was groom Aunt Libby affectionately, A.K.A a dog’s equivalent with love.
The End
Goodbye
Hi, this is Emmie again. I would just like to say everything in this book is based on true events. There really was an Evil White Funnel, and Pickles really did bark and growl at it. And there really was an Evil Yellow Bucket and she did, instead of stop, run at full speed – though Libby didn’t help her; we did. Sorry. We even still have Evil Red Bucket, and she will play with that thing for hours while also throwing it in the air, barking at it, and growling at it. (Don’t tell her this, but it’s SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO cute 😊). She also will lick Libby, and I have, er, I mean Libby has written about it.
Pickles has left the sandbox and now enjoys “gardening” (dragging the rake around the yard) and “knitting” (eating all my yarn for weaving). That’s all from me, now handing it over to Pickles. Bye!!!! 😊
Yes, got the keyboard back! Now I learned to be persistent, to never give up, be yourself, and body parts on the face ask the most interesting questions. That’s really all I have to say. Bye!
(Oh, also I have no idea why Mamma put “” marks in gardening and kitting. OK this time really BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!)
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